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Saturday, November 28th, 2009
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1:45 pm
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My trip home so far has been amazingly unproductive, like I figured it would be despite my hollow promises to myself that I was actually going to do work. I brought work home, but it has sat in my bag untouched. Somehow, over Thanksgiving break, I can never bring myself to actually do schoolwork. It's the promise of a comfy couch, a television, free good food, and the mentality I have when I'm home that keeps me from doing anything actually substantive with my time. I'm justifying it by saying I deserve a few days off, but I know I'll be kicking myself the minute I get back to Syracuse.
Next Thanksgiving, I won't have that same problem. I'll have a whole new set of problems, but none of them will be about finishing projects for CMD. Part of me is excited about that prospect, but most of me is just terrified. Especially when I realized that this time next year, Dad will be retired. Which means if I'm home while he's home, I will lose my mind even quicker. I love my dad, of course, but the two of us uselessly puttering around the house will cause nothing but friction, I'm fairly certain.
I was leaving my room earlier this afternoon to go downstairs, and I met Marissa in the hall. She said to me, "start thinking of what you want to give away, because you can't move all that out with you."
I'd already started thinking about it.
current mood:  blah
current music: Jolene (Ray Lamontagne)
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| Wednesday, November 25th, 2009
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1:34 pm
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A conversation between me and my mom while she was cooking in the kitchen this morning.
Me: Jason told me he used to be so shy that he used to hide in closets at family functions and parties when he was little.
Mom: Like Ali G.
Me: ... What?
Mom: Ali G.
Me: Mom, do you know--
Mom: Who's that one with the closet?
Me: R. Kelly.
Mom: No, you know, the one trapped in the closet.
Me: R. Kelly. And I'm actually very impressed.
Mom: I thought it was Ali G.
Me: You know Ali G. is a fake rapper. R. Kelly is an actual hip hop artist.
Mom: Oh, I thought it was all fake.
It's good to be home.
current mood:  amused
current music: Home Again (Carole King)
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| Monday, November 9th, 2009
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10:25 pm
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After standing outside with him tonight (in the unseasonably warm weather) looking out over the city lights, I realized why being with Chris and actually getting serious about certain things in our relationship makes me miss Seth: I haven't been this certain about someone-- this completely, I can't help it, feel it in my bones certain-- since him. And I'm afraid of three things:
One, that I won't be able to hold onto him.
Two, that I will see an opportunity to tell him how I truly feel and not take it for fear of scaring him off.
Three, that I will take that chance, and I'll get my heart broken.
But if losing Seth twice made me learn anything, it's that life is too damn short to not say what you need to say when you need to say it. Sounds cliche, but it's true.
current mood:  thoughtful
current music: For Lovin' Me (Peter, Paul & Mary)
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| Sunday, November 8th, 2009
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6:06 pm
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So I'm a bum for not updating. Apologies. It's been due to shortage of time, really-- six CMD projects plus Capstone plus Vagina Monologues stuff plus other homework plus trying to have a social life doesn't leave much time for LJ. But I will try to be better in the coming weeks.
October passed quickly, and we are already a week into November. Time seems to be flying.
Highlights:
- A visit from Marissa and her boyfriend just yesterday
- Halloween spent handing out condoms to partygoers
- Getting through midterm reviews
- Tour guiding for Fall Reception days
- Eleven monthiverary with Christopher
- First round of Vagina Monologues auditions
- Seeing Brian for family weekend
Luckily, the highlights have outweighed the low points. But I find there is always this looming sense of uncertainty that is Life After Graduation that colors everything I do, even now, this relatively early into the year, both academically and socially. It's hard not to freak out at every turn. I would elaborate, but I'm trying not to think about it too much now. Plus, I've got work to attend to.
I'm sorry, LJ. You'll see me again soon, I promise.
current mood:  hungry
current music: When You Were Young (The Noisettes)
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| Monday, October 19th, 2009
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10:12 pm
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While I should be in the middle of freaking out because of midterm review, I feel strangely calm. I feel like I'm finally coming into my own in CommDesign. I'm finally learning how to take criticism while still maintaining ownership of my projects, and getting more confident in my ideas. I realize I'm starting to answer questions and be somewhat of a mentor for the sophomores. I have more work than I'd ever thought possible for 450, and of course I still freak out about it, but somehow it all manages to get done. And, in a weird way, I'm starting to look forward to the job hunt.
Is this what it feels like to be a senior?
current mood:  calm
current music: Minor Thing (Red Hot Chili Peppers)
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| Monday, October 12th, 2009
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11:40 pm
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I know I haven't updated in a while (boo me-- though I have been updating my Capstone blog pretty regularly, if you're following that) and I feel like I should write a "this has been my life since my last update" entry, but I'll do that later. Right now, I feel compelled to talk about something else.
Jim and Pam.
It's weird. I used to be an Office fanatic. Nothing would keep me from watching it every Thursday night (well, except CommDesign, haha). I had memorized every line and was totally involved with all the characters. Most of all, Jim and Pam. From season one, their interaction was what really kept me watching. The show was hilarious overall, but really I just felt for the two of them. When he confessed his love for her, I was on the edge of my seat. I hated Karen because you were supposed to hate her, because she got in the way of Jim ending up with Pam. I loved her confession at beach day. When Jim came back from his interview at Corporate and asked her out, I was ecstatic. I wanted them to be happy and together and have little Jam babies.
But things took a turn for the unsettling once Pam finally got her chance to strike out on her own and go to New York and try her hand at graphic design. Maybe I'm biased, because that's my field, but I don't think that has much to do with it-- really, I just wanted Pam to not end up a receptionist at a crappy company in Scranton for the rest of her life. (As Jim himself says in an early episode after she decides going to graphic design school isn't worth it because Roy says so, "Do you really want to be a receptionist here, always?") So they got engaged and she went to New York, and there was of course tension because they can't just be happy together. And then she failed out of design school and came back to Scranton. Her hopes were dashed, and she didn't try again, and then rationalized her way out of it by saying that graphic design is stupid. I was barely holding on at that point. Then Jim bought his parents' house in Scranton for the two of them to live in, and she loved it, and that's when I stopped watching.
It was the idealist in me that wanted Jim and Pam to get together, get out of Scranton, and be happy and successful together. Jim would find a job he actually liked, and Pam would pursue her passion for art and perhaps foray that into a career. They would settle somewhere exciting, like a big city, and not be stuck in the Dunder Mifflin doldrums forever. But to settle for jobs you both can't really stand at a company you've been bored at for years and living in the same house you grew up in because that's all you know and that's all you care to know... that's what turned my idealism into disappointment.
Where did the ambition go? Where did all the dreams go? An adult I know explained that as you get older, your priorities change-- your dreams in your mid-twenties don't fit into your life five years later. The life you think you want changes. Maybe it's because I'm only twenty-one, but... damn, that sounds depressing. Not that I think families and houses and good neighborhoods in the suburbs are depressing. I come from exactly that. But I don't know... just the thought of your adult life being about rationalizing away your dreams so you live the life you think you should... that's what scares me. Especially as graduation and the "real world" creep closer and closer every day.
This all being said, I thought their wedding episode was adorable and it gave me that old Jim and Pam sweet feeling again.
current mood: optimistic
current music: Forever (Chris Brown)
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| Tuesday, September 29th, 2009
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8:21 pm
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I miss it every day, but the review we had tonight really made me think about it...
If I could go back to London tomorrow, I would.
current mood: nostalgic
current music: Babylon (David Gray)
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| Monday, September 28th, 2009
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1:59 pm - Annual Yom Kippur entry
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So here we are once again. Yom Kippur. Which means, of course, my annual Yom Kippur entry. I've been doing this since high school, and it's a nice way to recap the year and look forward to the year ahead. I looked at my entry from last year, and I did write a letter to myself, which this year I plan on answering. So this is my letter from last year:
Dear Future Brianna,
Number one: do you go abroad? Please say yes. Like, seriously. Say yes. And then subsequently do you have an amazing time? Please say yes to that one as well. And please elaborate on the amazingness of your time in London. I'd appreciate it.
Now that I've gotten that out of the way... let's think. What's it like being a CommDesign senior? Scary, I bet. Also, what are you doing for your Capstone project? Where and with whom are you living? With Meg and Kelsey, right, but where? Because as of right now you still didn't know that when you wrote this entry. Um, what's your boy situation? I know you have a crush on every boy, but besides that.
How is the family? Mom's still okay after surgery, right? Are you already making plans to move into Marissa's basement after graduation?
Have you finished that story you're working on yet? You know which one I'm talking about.
And, I suppose most importantly, this isn't a question but... I hope you lived this year in a way that made you happy. That you took advantage of opportunities (*cough cough London cough cough*) and did what you wanted but weren't careless or callous, that you looked after yourself but still were there for others. This year, I am loved and blessed and so fortunate. I hope next year, Future Brianna, you can say the same thing.
Sincerely,
Present Brianna
P.S. How hungry are you right now? 'Cause I'm pretty hungry.
And now here is my reply:
Dear Past (at the time Present) Brianna,
Number one: Yes! I went abroad! Seriously, I went abroad, and it was absolutely amazing. It was unlike anything you expected, but everything you needed. I would, as you asked me to do, elaborate on the awesome time I had, but for two reasons I won't do that here. One, it's hard to tell you what an unbelievable time I had, and number two, it comes up again later on in this reply to your letter. So read on.
What's it like being a CommDesign senior? Crazy, but less scary than I thought. (But then again, talk to me next semester when I'm taking my portfolio class.) I'm almost through my first credit of the semester (this year I have six credits in a semester, eep!) and onto my second. But I'm doing okay so far. As for my Capstone project, that's where going abroad comes back in: I'm writing and illustrating and publishing my own graphic novel about my experiences abroad.
I am living with Kelsey, like you said, with Meg in the apartment right next door. Actually, I am sitting in Meg's apartment watching TV with her-- she is fasting with us this year, because her boyfriend Justin is Jewish. How sweet! (Just one of the changes that took place last year after you wrote this entry.)
What's my boy situation? Well, just before going abroad, you and Chris admitted you liked one another, and went on a couple of not-quite-dates, then one real date. Then he came to visit over winter break. Then you left for England, having decided to become official. (As the two of you liked to say, "we're screwed!") You stayed together through London (he got to come visit, which was amazing) and through the summer. So we're still together now, and pretty vomitously happy. And he's fasting today as well. Because he's a sweetheart.
Mom's totally okay still, but the family suffered some more unfortunate events this summer. Dad fell down some stone stairs and tore a ligament in his knee, so he needed surgery and is still in the recovery process today. But even worse, Pop-Pop died after a week of being hospitalized for heart problems. This is the family's first Yom Kippur without him. Mom and Dad are spending the holiday down the shore with Mom-Mom and Aunt Barbara, so that everyone is as together as possible for breaking the fast. I called this afternoon, and Mom-Mom told me I was a good girl. And as for living in Marissa's basement, she might have a new basement in the coming year, because she's got an awesome boyfriend. Yay!
And no, I haven't finished that story yet. But I will. I promise.
Sincerely,
Present Brianna
P.S. I'm pretty damn hungry.
And now, instead of writing a whole letter to myself for next year, I just want to know three things: where are you, what are you doing, and who are you with? I find that's the most appropriate way to deal with the nebulous future that lies ahead of me after graduation.
Soon I will be breaking the fast with Allie, Meg, Justin, Chris, and a few of Justin's friends. But for the last thing: As for feeling blessed and loved and fortunate, I feel that even more so this year than I did last year. What a wonderful feeling that is.
current mood: thoughtful
current music: Kol Nidre (John Zorn)
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| Sunday, September 27th, 2009
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12:24 pm
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So I've started reading PostSecret pretty religiously every Sunday now. I used to check it once in a while, if I remembered about it, but ever since Chris and I went to the PostSecret exhibit in June at the Everson, I've been checking up on it every week.
At the exhibit, he pointed to a postcard that was decorated with a forest in autumn and said, "Imagine my surprise when you loved me back." And then he smiled, and kissed me.
Sometimes I wonder what his secret would be.
current mood:  curious
current music: September Grass (James Taylor)
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| Friday, September 18th, 2009
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8:32 pm
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For those of you who care, I just started a blog that will track the (slow and arduous) process I'm making on my Capstone project.
If you are so inclined, please visit http://capstonebikc.blogspot.com/ and leave me some encouraging comments!
current mood:  working
current music: Hound Dog (Elvis Presley)
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| Sunday, September 13th, 2009
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1:38 pm
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Last night, out of the blue, Chris told me he wanted to keep the fast with me for Yom Kippur.
I was completely surprised. Meg is keeping the fast with Justin, but I never thought Chris would-- not because he's a bad boyfriend or anything (in fact quite the opposite) but because he's not really a fan of organized religion, and not eating or drinking for an entire day for a faith that's not even your own is quite a leap, I think, especially since we're still in college and so we're very far away from any real commitment. It's a lot to ask of someone, and I wasn't planning on asking him to. But I didn't even need to. He just volunteered.
Of course, because he's Chris and he can never be too sweet, he referred to it as "fasting for Jesus... or something." But no matter how many jokes he makes, or how grumpy he'll be when he can't have soda all day, the fact remains that he's fasting, and he's fasting with me... and for me, really.
I will have a lot to reflect on come Yom Kippur. And thankfully, a lot to be grateful for.
current mood:  loved
current music: You Got Me (Tristan Prettyman)
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| Friday, September 4th, 2009
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9:24 am
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I don't know why my body decided to wake me up this early on a day when I have no classes, but since it did... first impressions of my classes:
ETS 360 Reading Gender and Sexuality in the Arab World:
This class is a lot of work, but it's really interesting, so I'm torn between not wanting to read dry theoretical essays about (post)colonial Western imperialist notions of feminism (and I don't know why "post" is in parentheses like that, I think it just makes it looks more snootily academic for no reason) and between really interesting class discussions about different views on feminism, and how difficult feminism is to pin down. It won't be an easy class, which I kind of figured, and it's a class that I'm sure more often than not I'll leave thoroughly worked up, but I have a feeling it's a class I'll enjoy despite the workload.
CER 223 Introduction to Wheel Throwing:
No, this is not an ancient Scottish tradition to be performed by burly men in kilts on hilltops. This is how you make cups, bowls, vases, pots, and the like out of clay on the pottery wheel. (Most people are disappointed when I tell them what "wheel throwing" really means.) My instructor for this class is a graduate student in his late twenties named Shawn. He is hot. That will probably be a problem for me later on when he's doing a demo and I am looking at him instead of what he's making. But for his hotness, he does seem a little annoyed to be teaching an intro level class that, let's be honest, most people take without the slightest intention of moving on with the sequence (like me.) He gave us a little bit of a lecture about how wheel throwing is really difficult and you need to take the time to learn how to do it right. I had the feeling I was going to be the slow kid in this class anyway, but now I don't mind that as much because I might get a little bit more personal attention, nudge nudge wink wink.
ART 080 Visual Communications Symposium:
This zero-credit mandatory symposium is basically a waste of time for every design student, save one or two guest speakers. This year, Massimo Vignelli, the guy who designed the New York subway system map, is coming to speak. Which is pretty fucking cool, as he is kind of like a design god for us. But other than that, this is just a dumb class that screws up my schedule on the middle of every Wednesday.
Independent Study for Capstone Preparation:
Holy fucking shit you guys. My first meeting with Bill went like I had suspected rather than what I'd hoped, and now all the work I'd gotten done over the summer is going to be turned on its head and used as a "first draft" rather than a "hey look how close to done I am!" draft. While I know he is right about this (looking at some of the page layouts, it's easy to see where the design of it goes stale and I can get way more creative) it's still quite the frustrating endeavor. I might die doing this. But he did say, "I know you won't disappoint me." Which is why I picked him as an advisor-- he pummels the shit out of you emotionally, turns you around a thousand times until you're dizzy, then gives you a big hug afterwards.
CMD 450 Communications Design Problems:
Holy fucking shit all over again, you guys. Seniors have to do six projects in a semester. Six. Projects. Looking at the schedule, I almost had a coronary. All the seniors are naturally freaking out. But my first idea got approved! I'm doing a store for felt housewares. (Oh, the crazy shit you can do in CMD.) I know this semester will be miles better than first semester CMD last year. But it'll definitely be a tough haul. I have Bill again for this class, so I have him basically for my two most challenging classes, and he uses the same "spin you on your head" technique in both. So it should be an interesting semester. Oh, and even with no one presenting real projects, we still got out quarter after eight. We started class at two. And that's an early night for us. ...Yep.
current mood:  awake
current music: Virtual Insanity (Jamiroquai)
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| Wednesday, August 26th, 2009
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10:32 pm
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Got back to school yesterday afternoon. I would like to give you a play by play, but instead, I will give you little snippets from this week so far.
Monday evening, during which Evan and I reconnected and ate Rita's water ice in Ambler:
Me: Look at you! You're all grown up!
Evan: Yeah, I didn't want to say anything, but you're definitely grown up too. I noticed it when I first saw you.
Me: *Hugs Evan*
Evan: Oh... hey.
Me: I thought this moment deserved a hug. But don't worry, it's like a bro hug.
Evan: Okay. So we just had a bro moment.
Me: A broment!
At the end of our evening, while Evan walked me to the door:
Me: So let's not to that again. I mean, let's... not not talk.
Evan: ... So you mean, let's talk.
Me: Yes!
Tuesday afternoon, when we've gotten to school, my parents have left, and Chris is over helping me lug stuff up the stairs.
Chris: So you're here.
Me: Yes.
Chris: And I'm here.
Me: Yep!
Chris: And we're both in the same place.
Me: And we will be for a while. Like four months.
Chris: I don't believe you.
Me: It's true!
Chris: I don't think I can handle that.
Tuesday night, after Chris decided he would be too tired after RA stuff to come over and hang out:
Me: (texting) Can you talk on the phone for a little?
Chris: (texting) Yeah.
Me: (on the phone, surveying my collection of rubber ducks) I have too many ducks. I'm like a crazy duck lady.
Chris: (on the phone) Fuck this, I'm coming over to your apartment.
Me: Really?
Chris: Yeah, I decided that instead of sitting in my room and being grumpy that I couldn't see you, I could just see you instead.
This afternoon, in Meg's apartment while she was moving in:
Me: I can't believe this, we're like literally five feet away from each other. This is so cool!
Meg: I think our bedrooms share a wall.
Meg's Mom: You'll have to work out some kind of system for banging on the wall to say goodnight.
Meg: Yeah, one bang for Brianna, two for Kelsey.
Me: I can just see us, like a split screen, with our hands up touching either side of the wall, reaching for each other.
Meg: (reaches her hand out melodramatically) Briannaaa......
This evening, after Chris and I got dinner at Sadler and were hanging out in his room afterwards:
Chris: You're really here. And I'm here too.
Me: I know!
Chris: And we can see each other, but do our own thing in between.
Me: It's like we're really dating or something.
Chris: It's awesome. Because, I mean, I love you, but when I have to spend three days straight with you I go a little crazy.
Me: Oh my God me too! I love you, but you need to do your own thing, and I need to do my own thing too.
Chris: I was a little afraid to say something about it.
Me: Oh, totally. But don't worry about it. I feel the same way.
Chris: Why are we the same person?
Other highlights of the past two days have been a hilarious phone message from Eric (who I am having bubble tea with tomorrow), a good long catch up talk with Kelsey, s'mores at the boys' new house off campus, seeing some of Kelsey's artwork, putting up my room decorations, and avoiding all the work I need to do.
Tomorrow I really, really need to buckle down and work, but it should be a good day: progress on projects during the day (which I desperately need), then a pre-semester SASSE meeting with my co-president Brianna (confusing, I know), then bubble tea with one Mr. Eric Hart. Then probably a catch up evening with Meg-- hopefully one of our long walks around South Campus.
Ah... yay school.
current mood: happy
current music: This Is The Place (Red Hot Chili Peppers)
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12:23 am
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A more full update to come, but for right now, suffice it to say...
It's good to be back.
current mood: content
current music: I Am Yours (Derek & The Dominoes)
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| Monday, August 24th, 2009
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1:33 pm
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Last night I had a dream about Seth.
In this dream, he was older. The age I am now. We met up at a bar, hugged hello, and went for a walk around our neighborhood. The sun was shining. We hadn't seen each other in a long time, because he had transferred out of Upper Dublin to a small private high school, and had gone off to a small private college. He'd cleaned up, and cleaned up well. He was dressed well-- khakis, a nice shirt-- but I could tell he would have felt more comfortable in one of his big, soft hooded sweatshirts. He smiled and laughed as we exchanged stories, and was much more talkative than I remember him being normally-- perhaps an effect of growing up. He was definitely no longer the quiet, lanky thirteen-year-old or the rebellious high-schooler. But he was still Seth.
We held hands as we walked. I could feel his skin and see his face and hear his voice so clearly. It was the most vivid dream I've had of him since the night before his funeral.
It's been almost four years since he died, and even longer since I'd spoken with him. I don't know why this dream came to me now. But when I woke up I thanked God for small gifts and little glimpses.
current mood: calm
current music: Prove (Fuel)
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| Tuesday, August 18th, 2009
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9:26 pm
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This morning, I began the daunting task of packing for back to school. While I am very excited to get back (despite the mountain of work I have ahead of me from my London CommDesign projects as well as my Capstone project), I am a packing procrastinator. Knowing this, I decided to start early, and now most of my clothes, as well as my souvenirs from abroad, room decorations, and some art supplies, are packed.
It wasn't until I looked in my chatchke box that I began to feel something strange. This box had contained the same articles since freshman year-- the same photos, the same little notes, the same odds and ends that I would put on my shelf in my new bedroom for the past three years. Some stuff would get added, like a new card or photograph, but nothing would get taken out. Until today.
Cards, notes, and photos from an old boyfriend... photos and mementos of friends who have drifted away... just little reminders of how much my life has changed since the last time I was packing up my room to go back to school.
current mood: contemplative
current music: Acknowledgment (John Coltrane)
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| Saturday, August 15th, 2009
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12:47 am
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Tonight, Jess and I went out for dinner, and then went to this ice cream place near my house called Udder Delight. We sat outside, eating our ice cream and chatting. Two high school boys passed us on the way in, and again on their way out. Halfway through the parking lot, one of them turned around and yelled, "Do you know him?" I looked at them, wondering if they had been talking to me, and asked, "Me?"
The first boy yelled out, "Dubin!" and pointed to his friend.
I looked closer, and then said, "Oh. My. God."
It was Aaron, Andrew's little brother. (Not so little anymore.) They walked back over, and I hugged Aaron, who is now as tall as me. Then he filled me in on the family: Andrew isn't in school anymore, but lives in an apartment around here and is working at Outback Steakhouse. Their older brother, Josh, lives and works in New York. Sarah and Aimee, the little sisters, are both good. Aimee, the youngest, will be in eighth grade (the age I was the last time I was at the Dubins' house) and Sarah works at the ice cream place we were reminiscing in front of. As for Aaron, he's off soon for his first international business school in Israel. He looks and sounds so much like Andrew, it's uncanny... and it's also a little poignant for me. The last time I saw Aaron, he was ten years old. And he remembered me, even after eight years.
He asked about the old group-- Evan, Kara, Matt Glick, Vivi, Greg, Billy. The sad truth is, I don't really keep up with any of them the way I should. Even Kara and I don't talk as much as we used to. I can attribute it to many things... growing up, different interests, different groups of friends, different schools, different ways of handling Seth's death. I hugged Aaron again, told him to say hey to Andrew for me. I haven't spoken to him in so long. But there is still a cord, however thin, that binds you to your old friends, I believe.
Or maybe I just want to believe that.
current mood: nostalgic
current music: Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town (Pearl Jam)
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| Wednesday, August 12th, 2009
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10:48 pm
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I had a conversation with Allie today for about an hour and a half. It was the first real conversation we'd had since I dropped her off at Paddington Station back at the beginning of May. We talked about our summer internships (both less than desirable, in their own ways), missing London, getting back to school.
I now have thirteen days (well, more like twelve at this hour of the night) until I go back to Syracuse. And I'm really counting down.
After my last day at Pfizer and the following day leaving Maplewood, Chris came to visit. He came Sunday and left yesterday. We cuddled a lot, saw 500 Days of Summer, went into Philly and got some bubble tea, cuddled some more, ate cheesesteaks, and caught up. And, of course, we snuggled. And we talked a lot-- about music, art, life, family and friends, and our respective summers. He held me as I talked about how I don't think I ever really processed this summer: leaving London and coming back to my life here in America, Dad's injury and Mom's additional stress because of it, Pop-Pop's death and every emotion that came with that, and adjusting to life in Maplewood and work in New York, and everything I learned about myself from those experiences.
It's true, I never really processed any of the feelings that went along with any of those events. At least not properly. But now I'm looking at going back to school as a way to not brush it all under the rug, but at least be in a different place where I have different things to think about: being a senior in CMD which includes twelve projects and a portfolio, my honors capstone project, the Vagina Monologues, the realization of graduating and a future outside of school... all of those stressors are things I am actually looking forward to dealing with, in a weird way. I don't know if that makes any sense. I think I'm just excited to get back to school and (as I told Allie this morning) it'll be a lot like jumping into a pool: at first, the shock makes you freak out, but then gradually you get used to the temperature, and you get pretty good at swimming. I guess that's how I feel about school, and something I never felt about this summer.
Chris left last evening. I'll see him again in about two weeks. Until then, I'm just getting my sunscreen on and my floaties ready. Ready for the jump back in to Syracuse. My last jump in.
current mood:  restless
current music: Summer Skin (Death Cab For Cutie)
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| Monday, August 3rd, 2009
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10:48 pm
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This week is my last at Pfizer. My supervisor left this afternoon for a week-long conference in Switzerland, but beforehand she bought me lunch in the cafeteria and told me if I ever needed a recommendation she'd be happy to write me one. For all the craziness of this job, she was truly a great supervisor. I often (not in front of her, of course) declared my undying affection for her, and my desire to propose to her. She was cool, confident, smart as hell, and realistic about my workload. She was funny, and really interesting to listen to, and had answers to every question. Or, if she didn't know, she'd find out for you. For a presentation I have to give on Thursday to say what I learned this summer, I think my number one thing will be something about how essential good management is. Without her, I would have been totally lost.
My goodbye note to Caroline, my supervisor:
Dear Caroline,
Thank you so much for being such a great supervisor. You are really a great person to work for and work with--you are organized, helpful, and approachable. I always feel like I can come to you if I have a problem with or question about an assignment. Or if I just want to hear one of your amazing stories about chasing cows around in rural Kenya, crocodile watching on top of cliffs, how to diagnose berserk male syndrome in my alpaca, or how best to operate on a spider.
You really were a pleasure to work with, and I’m glad I get to call in for our meeting effectiveness presentation so I get to work with you one more time. Next time I’m in New York, I’ll stop by Pfizer and say hi.
Thanks for everything!
Brianna
current mood: grateful
current music: Caroline (David Gray)
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| Friday, July 31st, 2009
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8:10 pm
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Today after work, I went shopping and bought two of Craig Thompson's graphic novels. His first one, called Goodbye, Chunky Rice and his second one, called Blankets.
Blankets I had already read. Jason introduced me to it after freshman year of college, and his copy resided with me for a long time before I finally had to give it back sometime sophomore year. It is not only the best graphic novel I've ever read, but easily one of the best books of any genre I've ever read. Craig Thompson's ability to tell both an emotionally and visually stimulating story is really, truly outstanding. And the same is true for Chunky Rice-- I bought it without knowing much about it other than it was his first graphic novel, and I read it all this evening (it's rather short, a little over a hundred pages) and teared up at several points. Definitely worth a read.
His graphic novels have gotten me simultaneously inspired for and a tad worried about my own storytelling abilities. My capstone project is this huge undertaking-- taking my writing from my semester abroad and setting it in graphic novel format. And while I am hoping to create something that other people can relate to, and hence find emotionally moving, I find myself sometimes self-conscious about how me-centric all of it is. I mean, of course it's about me-- it's my writing about my time on my semester abroad. But reading something like Chunky Rice, or especially Blankets (which is an autobiographical story), I wonder how Craig Thompson pulls it off: tells his own story while still creating something that other people can find something of themselves in.
I guess I worry that I'm being self-indulgent, on top of the more practical worry that I just won't pull this off at all, and I'll end up with something crappy that I never want to show anyone.
But my goal (and I can't believe I'm going to put this out there for the world to see) is to maybe get it published. Like for real. Or at least... send it to Craig Thompson. And say to him, "You inspire me."
That's what I should focus on. The inspiration. I'm nearly done the outline, and I'm itchy to start drawing actually... itchy to see my little world on paper.
I'm going to work on that. But in the meantime, everyone should pick up a copy of both these books and read them. And if you run across it, pick me up a copy of Carnet de Voyage. Thanks.
current mood:  artistic
current music: Over The Pond (The Album Leaf)
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